Sick and was quite sick but have to struggle out of bed just to study.
Mathematics. My passion for math dies ever since I have to master (I think 75%) JC math within a semester. I was traumatized by my behavior. Days before my first paper, I broke down. So I decided to work on my logic design. I studied and studied. Memorized until I turned insane and broke down. I really felt painful. I can’t wait for the pain and miseries to end. But when the exams end? Another journey of worries arises. Results. I or rather most of the candidate reached the stage whereby the only way to finish the freaking paper is to bullshit. TOTALLY DISASTER! Worst than tsunamis! Haha. Ok that’s exaggerating. Then comes mathematics. Totally low morale. I stared at the paper. I flipped and flipped the answer booklet, leaving the whole piece of blank paper unattended. In the end, I crapped. Java paper was over, 3 hours ago. The paper wasn’t difficult. So I am the problem. I am dumbest in the world. I wrote rubbish in the answer booklet. My head hurts. And I am lonely. I told my mother, she doesn’t know how I feel. The situation was no longer the same compared to a year ago when I was still in polytechnic. The pressure that overrules me is adverse. I no longer stuff myself with food. I was too tired and painful to eat. When I eat, I will vomit or the nauseous feeling will be there. I wanted to sleep. But when I was lying on the bed, I am wide-awake. I was so afraid that something unfavorable would happen in the next minute.
Sometimes I do feel lonely. When I was feeling so low, I wanted to find something to confide to. But I was so lost that I don’t even know whom I can approach. I tried calling my friend. But she is like so cold. In the end, I threw tantrums at her. People start sms-ing good luck wishes to me. But so what? 4 days ago, my mother was having a terrible flu again, to the extend that she was semi-conscious again. I felt even painful. The wound is expanding each day. MARKETING -> LOGIC DESIGN -> MATHEMATICS -> DATA STRUCTURES, I really have to energy to think of my last paper, discrete mathematics.
After mathematics paper, went to the bus stop to wait for the bus. It was a BLOODY disgusting scene that out of 10 buses 9.5 is full! I swing my pouch until I was frustrated. Then we decided to walk through YAN NAN GARDEN to a bus stop to take a loop bus to the interchange. On the way, I was feeling utterly miserable. (OK NOTHING SPECIAL) The craving for punching something hard was so strong. I controlled. Then I felt like running. Sprinting. Ok I know I can’t run far la. I got short legs! And plenty of oil too! So in the end, I plucked leaves from a primary school or don’t what in the earth the school is, and tore it into pieces and threw it to the air. My buddy was more pitiful; I had bitten him thrice I guessed. And I ill treatedly tickled him!
Ok. I shall start to think of how to kill time after exams. Slack and slack. I have a last battle to beat tomorrow!
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